Sunday, December 9, 2007

Recurring themes?

[Blogger's note: I would just like to ask you this: Does the first word in the title for this post look odd to you? Up until yesterday, I had always thought the word was 're-occurring,' but then I saw 'recurring' in print somewhere and started to doubt. OK, I admit it, first I doubted the publisher of the book, but since it was a rather reputable-looking book, I then turned the doubt onto myself. Dictionary.com claims there is no such word as re-occurring.]

OK, so this dream was rather brief, but it touched on same of the same themes again that I mentioned in the previous dream and even on another topic I have been encountering lately, so I'd say it is pretty relevant.

I was at home again, and I had heard that our church diocese was holding a lock-in about an hour away. For those of you who don't know, a 'lock-in' is this event where a bunch of people get together at one location (a location that you would not normally associate with sleeping at), and they have 'fun' and can't leave. Typically, little sleep occurs during such events, and they are major headaches to the adult facilitators. Right, so I guess I should also point out to those who don't know me that I was über involved in church-related activities in middle school/high school.

ok, so I decided that I didn't have anything better to do, so I agreed to go, though I will say I was a bit hesitant. So my mother and I get in the car. Right before we're pulling up to the church where the lock-in is to take place, I look over at her and say, "That's funny. I guess I could have driven myself." My mom agrees. Then we pull into the actual parking lot, and all I can see are these 11-13 year old kids everywhere. They're eagerly carrying their pillows and bags, laughing, running around, etc. Then I have this sinking feeling in my stomach, and I'm on the verge of asking my mom to just turn around and take me home... when I wake up.

I think the implications here are quite obvious.


[
Blogger's note #2: I hope the seriousness of these recent postings has not made you uncomfortable. I guess I'm sort of going through a strange time in my life right now--ie I'm leaving Denmark in 11 days and going back to my old life... and it sometimes seems like a regression to me. It will be interesting to see when my dreams revert back to their crazy/random/comical selves.]

Saturday, December 8, 2007

ok, so this one is a few weeks old now, but it's ok because I recorded myself telling it as soon as I woke up

Yeah, so I woke up on the morning of November 23rd in a bit of a panic considering... well I guess I won't tell you just yet. I almost just told you the startling climax of my dream. (Actually, one of the first things I say in the recording is: "I don't know if I should start at the end or start at the beginning or what.")

Yes, so my journal was not nearby when I awoke, and I didn't feel like getting out of my nice warm bed (you know how that is), so I decided to grab my camera off my nightstand and record my dream before I forgot it.

Here is more or less the result of this recording session (I wish I could just attach an audio file!):

I have it my head that I know how I'm going to die... or at least, like in the game Clue that I used to play as a kid, I knew what the murder weapon would be. The instrument of my death is going to be a Wizard of Oz pen. You know, it's one of those pens that you tilt one way, and something floats across the surface of the pen because there's water inside this tube thing. So yeah, the particular scene in this situation was munchkins or something skipping down the yellow brick road. Of course, this bit of information was something I had just always known and it seemed rather ridiculous, so I just sort of never thought about it. Really though, knowing what weapon will kill you won't exactly stop it from happening anyway, right? Yeah, so that is just some background information for you. It doesn't factor into the dream here... not yet anyway.

So yeah, it so happened that I was at home with my family in Moncks Corner. It was strange because I was at least a bit older than I am now, but my brother seemed to be younger. (I guess that's because I feel like I've 'changed' a lot since I've been here in Denmark... or something is different. I'm not sure if I have 'changed' or if I have just become more myself... but that's the subject of another post. perhaps something I will post on my other blog. Then of course, my brother was probably younger because that's how I rememer him best since I haven't lived at home for 4 years now.)
Yep, so my dad found this stray dog, so we took it in. A few days later, we learned that it belonged to this family, so they came to pick it up. So there's this happy little reunion going on in the front of the house, out in the yard. Everyone in the family is very excited about getting their dog back, etc, and I am just sort of standing off to the side and observing their happiness.


Then all of the sudden and without warning, we all hear this little clicking noise... it's the sound a gun makes before you shoot it. I'm not sure what it's called, but you know what I mean. It's one of those gun noises that you just don't want to hear, so we all look towards the house, and there's this huge man standing there to the side of our front door (which is ajar). The man is wearing camoflage and is just standing there calmly with a rifle sort of in the verticle resting position, but the funny thing is, the noise didn't come from this man. Then we see through a window to the house (actually the window to my old bedroom--the one I moved out of when I was 14), and there is another guy in there. This guy is going through my belongings in a hasty manner (because it was my bedroom in the dream even though it currently isn't in real life). This second guy was carrying a pistol, and it was from that gun that we heard the ominous click.

Now, it's at this point that we start to freak out--or I in particular start to freak out because I know my brother and some of his friends are in the house, and there are just people everywhere, you know? So I say to my mom, quietly, "Mom, you have to call the police. You have to do something. This guy has a gun!" But my mom just sort of stands there, paralyzed. She just mutters something like, "ummm I don't know. I don't know what to do," and she has this strange distant look in her eyes. So it's at this point that I decide to take charge. Now, if you know me well, you will know that I am not good with keeping up with my cell phone. My family, of course is much worse... ie no one has a cell phone but me, and I don't happen to have mine on me, so I set off across the yard to the neighbor's house to call the police since I obviously don't want to try crossing army-fatigues-man.

It's when I'm about half way to the neighbor's house that I hear a commotion, and I turn in time to see the second guy (the one with the pistol) running out of the door to our house. He is carrying a few things that he has stolen from my room, but it is quite a strange collection he has, really. The most rememberable thing he had was the sheet off my bed because it sort of billowed behind him as he ran. So yeah, I'm thinking, ok good. The guy is leaving, he hasn't hurt anyone, and he hasn't really stolen too much. We can call the police, and they can come and investigate and look for finger prints or whatever. But then he stops a little ways off and just sort of hesitates, and I see my mother start to walk towards him, and I think, oh no. He is going to hurt my mother.


So I start to walk over towards them, too, to try to talk some sense into my mom and get her out of the situation. Then, when I'm about five paces away, I hear the guy say to my mom, "Hey all I need is one thing. Do you have one those glippen pens?" And since I had no idea what a 'glippen' pen was, I just sort of stood there, contemplating what the heck he was talking about. But then, my mom, always eager to help, starts to pull something out of her pocket. I think it was right at this moment, that I realized what was going to happen, so I turn around and just start sprinting away from the scene. Presumably, my mother hands the guy the pen, and the guy starts chasing me. I can hear his footsteps pounding on the asphalt behind me. and I wonder, oh my gosh. Is this going to hurt? Am I going to feel this? and before I have much time to think about it, I just sort of feel this strange warmth that's sort of coming from the area of my neck.

and then I woke up.

Yes, as you might have guessed, I had been stabbed in the neck by a Wizard of Oz pen.


So have you heard that claim that if you die in your dream, you die in real life? I am living proof that that is untrue.

I think there are many interesting implications in this dream. I think that this entry is long enough though, so I might add some theories in a comment.


Sunday, November 25, 2007

dreams as transcendent

"I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay"
-Bob Dylan

(Yesterday, I saw the new Dylan movie--I'm Not There. They did many interesting things with the different personas of Dylan, choosing a different actor to portray each facet.)

Nudity

Ok, ok, so I know it's not exactly unique to have a dream in which you are naked, but it wasn't one of those usual ones where you're walking down the street and everyone is pointing at you and laughing, and it's only when you look down that you realize you are naked.

Nope. The odd thing was in my naked dream (from the eve of Nov. 20th), I was not ashamed to be naked... which is strange because it goes against the normal naked dream motif and because I am not really very comfortable with (my own) nudity.

So it was a brief dream. Basically, I was swimming naked in a pool. There were other people there in the pool with me though. I wasn't alone. I believe they were also naked. So yeah the interesting part is while I was technically naked, I was still covered by something... even if that something happened to be clear. I mean the ripples in the water serve to distort what is beneath the surface to some extent. So yeah... was I truly confident with my nudity or was I still using the water as a cover-up? and what does it say that my 'cover-up' doesn't do a whole lot of covering up?


Sunday, November 18, 2007

why I can't eat meat

It may be relatively 'trendy' to be a vegetarian in some communities today (more so in some parts of the States... not Denmark), but I had a dream two nights ago that I think really gives you a glimpse of the extreme feelings I have about meat.

Warning: upon typing this dream out, I realize how grotesque it is.

The dream was pretty brief. I'm not even sure what the exact context was since it seems kind of random and far-fetched. Basically, the dream was this:
For some reason (I still don't know how or why), someone was forcing me to eat a burger. (as in it wasn't an option to not do it.) So I was eating this burger and sobbing at the same time because it was causing me serious grief. Then, finally, there is only one bite left. I hold it in my hand, contemplating what I am doing, and it just strikes me that I am eating flesh. As I go to take the last bite, I quickly realize as I start to chew, that inside that last, menacing bite of burger is a pocket of liquid blood, and I gag on it, blood seaping out of my lips and onto my hands.

...

I do not think I need to point out the potential (obvious) religious imagery and implications at play here in detail, but I will say that I think this highlites the fact that not eating meat for me is a strong conviction. It's not just some whim that I am trying out for kicks.

I used to think I could perhaps go back to eating meat--just white meat of course--but sometime in the last year or so, I have started to seriously doubt that this is even an option for me. It has ceased being meat and is now flesh... and living flesh at that.

Friday, November 16, 2007

"A Space Boy Dream"

I dreamt I had to go to mars.

Im always kidding on about going to mars for the day
But faced with the reality of it, in a dream, I was terrified.

And it wasnt going to be like a moon trip
There was three of us going, but we couldnt all go on the same ship
We had to go one at a time with a day between us.

I had to go first, and it was the thought of passing through all that black space
All the darkness with nothing in it, and then being the first one to land there, all alone... I knew it was supposed to be all dark around, with just a red surface
But what if I got there and it was light, all civilised and populated and stuff?

So I made a plan.
The other astronauts were going to be my dad and my sister
And my dad would come first after me
So I decided when I landed I would just stay in my seat until he got there
And then we could get out together and have a look around
And see what sort of things were there.

And when I woke up and I was lying in the darkness, I thought I had landed.
And I just lay still for a while, waiting for my dad to get there too.

-Belle & Sebastian

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

a realization fashioned by my waking self

(this is not a dream as much as it is a realization. it was one of those thoughts that just strikes you and interupts everything you're doing, demanding to be heard... as if my dream world was thrusting itself into my waking world.)

You know how people are always asking you: If you could pick any superpower, what would you pick?
Yeah, well I've never really been quite satisfied with my response. I typically just went with the easy 'being invisible' answer. I mean it certainly has it's appeal. To be able to just eavesdrop on anyone and sneak around would be great... but I really already do those things anyway... and half of the fun is the knowing that you could potentially be caught.

Then today it hit me. I think I know what power I wish to have. I wish I could see things in the darkness. Let me clarify some things about this power though. When I see I want to "see things in the darkness" I mean the complete and utter darkness. This is not a wish for something like seeing through night vision goggles. I don't want the things I look up to light up for me. That wouldn't really be seeing in the dark, would it? I want it remain pitch black and still have the ability to see things and to just know intuitively exactly what they look at. OK, so it's not so much of a 'super' power really, and it sounds boring... at first, but I assure you, it would be great. The first thing that comes to mind is the ability to read in the dark. Really. How many times have you wanted to read (especially in bed), but you are just completely fed up with the light? It just gets so taxing after a while... but if you could read and write in the utter darkness... yeah.

Of course, then I got to thinking that this is probably also a metaphor. Everything becomes a metaphor if you're not careful... or is it if you are careful? I don't know... but yeah... my longing to see in the darkness I guess sort of relates to my longing to make sense of everything--this strange, unsettling way of thinking that I have lately found myself sinking into... or this 'nausea' if you will. Darn it. I was going to try to keep Sartre out of this, but there it is. Or you know... maybe the darkness is just the confusion that I am feeling now. My life seems so unclear now--my future, etc. and all I want to do is just see through the darkness. The interesting thing of course is that I don't want light to play into it...

Sunday, October 7, 2007

stuck in limbo

ok, so I have a dream to report from last week that I haven't entered yet, but first, I want to talk about what happened last night.

I was sort of having a fitful time falling asleep (due to some coffee I had had too close to bed), so I was having a number of short snippets of dreams divided by a time of semi-awareness/awakeness. Well anyway, one of these dreams was relatively insignificant and not worth relaying to you due to its boring content... except for the fact that it led to a strange condition. I will now try to describe it.

So as I said, the dream itself was rather boring. I dreamed I was in an airplane that had just taken off, and I was a bit apprehensive about it since the plane was shakier than it should be. (I think this represents all the stress I've had lately with booking hostels, flights, trains, and buses for my travel break coming up.) Anyway, I look out the window of the plane and notice that there are those green highway signs up in the sky... just sort of suspended in the air. The signs themselves are pretty conventional--they tell you how far away cities are--but what is not normal is the fact that nothing is really holding them up. I checked to see if there was some long pole beneath it or a string tied above it that suspended from something (not that that would make a whole lot of sense), but there were no supports.

It was at this point that I became aware that I was dreaming because I knew that it was impossible for these signs to just float up there. I think I was only able to recognize this as a dream and not to just go along with it as usual because something in the real world started making noise and that noise pulled me back into the more counscious and waking state. I decided that this noise--since it didn't correspond with my dream--must be happening in the real world, and I began to think that perhaps someone was stealing the bike that was parked directly under my slight ajar bathroom window! But the thing was, I found myself stuck in the dream world... there was a span of time in which I had decided to get up to investigate, but I physically couldn't! It was the strangest sensation. I literally couldn't bring myself to get out of bed even though I wanted to. It felt like I was paralyzed. Then I realized that perhaps I should start small, and first willed my toes to wiggle (because that's how they check to see if you're paralyzed, right?) . So yeah... after a few seconds of really working at it, I finally was aware that my toes were moving, and I started to leave the dream world. Little by little, I regained control over my body--first the toes, then my feet, then my legs, and finally my arms. I then was fully in the waking world and was able to get up and go to look out the window. (Luckily, I did not see anyone there because I'm not sure what I would have done if I had.)

Yeah, so what the heck was that all about?? What a strange transition period it is between waking and dreaming! In my experience, it was a rather helpless state in which at least part of my normal consciousness had returned, but my brain had not yet woken up and taken control of my CNS and my body. This if anything seems to be evidence that your counsciousness is not necessarily directly affiliated with your brain... or at least not with the normal, everyday-functioning part. The two seem to be able to act independently of each other. Interesting. I think I will able to take this somewhere and develop this upon further reflection.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Dreaming 101

The concept of the dream is fascinating.
Some people argue that dreams exhibit your innermost desires,
some go all psycho-analytical and would argue that dreams delve into and reveal the subcounscious,
some people consider a dream to be associated with a big goal or an innovation,
some people think dreams are completely random,
some beleive dreams are prophetic,
some believe dreams are just plain crazy
some people don't think they dream at all.

I read somewhere that the inability to distinguish dreams from reality is a sign of madness. If so, what does this say about dreaming? Should the world of dreams be separated and segregated from the 'real world' or the waking world? That seems like a dangerous thing to me.

Of course it's fun to think about the idea that our dreaming and waking lives are possibly mixed up or not what they seem. For instance, are you dreaming now as you read this or am I dreaming now as I type this? Is life all just one big dream? Why do even the most far-fetched and ridiculous dreams seem to make sense at the time and only gradually become laughable when relayed to a third party? Why is it that sometimes I have dreams within my dreams? Why is it ok to dream at night but not during the day?

What is lost between sleeping and waking and how can we explain this loss?


hmm well I started this blog to examine these questions and hopefully to give me a place to post both my dreams and different ideas and quotes associated with dreaming. Perhaps I'll even post some art every now and then... or pictures of my dream world. If you have something to contribute, please do.