a realization fashioned by my waking self

(this is not a dream as much as it is a realization. it was one of those thoughts that just strikes you and interupts everything you're doing, demanding to be heard... as if my dream world was thrusting itself into my waking world.)

You know how people are always asking you: If you could pick any superpower, what would you pick?
Yeah, well I've never really been quite satisfied with my response. I typically just went with the easy 'being invisible' answer. I mean it certainly has it's appeal. To be able to just eavesdrop on anyone and sneak around would be great... but I really already do those things anyway... and half of the fun is the knowing that you could potentially be caught.

Then today it hit me. I think I know what power I wish to have. I wish I could see things in the darkness. Let me clarify some things about this power though. When I see I want to "see things in the darkness" I mean the complete and utter darkness. This is not a wish for something like seeing through night vision goggles. I don't want the things I look up to light up for me. That wouldn't really be seeing in the dark, would it? I want it remain pitch black and still have the ability to see things and to just know intuitively exactly what they look at. OK, so it's not so much of a 'super' power really, and it sounds boring... at first, but I assure you, it would be great. The first thing that comes to mind is the ability to read in the dark. Really. How many times have you wanted to read (especially in bed), but you are just completely fed up with the light? It just gets so taxing after a while... but if you could read and write in the utter darkness... yeah.

Of course, then I got to thinking that this is probably also a metaphor. Everything becomes a metaphor if you're not careful... or is it if you are careful? I don't know... but yeah... my longing to see in the darkness I guess sort of relates to my longing to make sense of everything--this strange, unsettling way of thinking that I have lately found myself sinking into... or this 'nausea' if you will. Darn it. I was going to try to keep Sartre out of this, but there it is. Or you know... maybe the darkness is just the confusion that I am feeling now. My life seems so unclear now--my future, etc. and all I want to do is just see through the darkness. The interesting thing of course is that I don't want light to play into it...