dreams as transcendent

"I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay"
-Bob Dylan

(Yesterday, I saw the new Dylan movie--I'm Not There. They did many interesting things with the different personas of Dylan, choosing a different actor to portray each facet.)

Nudity

Ok, ok, so I know it's not exactly unique to have a dream in which you are naked, but it wasn't one of those usual ones where you're walking down the street and everyone is pointing at you and laughing, and it's only when you look down that you realize you are naked.

Nope. The odd thing was in my naked dream (from the eve of Nov. 20th), I was not ashamed to be naked... which is strange because it goes against the normal naked dream motif and because I am not really very comfortable with (my own) nudity.

So it was a brief dream. Basically, I was swimming naked in a pool. There were other people there in the pool with me though. I wasn't alone. I believe they were also naked. So yeah the interesting part is while I was technically naked, I was still covered by something... even if that something happened to be clear. I mean the ripples in the water serve to distort what is beneath the surface to some extent. So yeah... was I truly confident with my nudity or was I still using the water as a cover-up? and what does it say that my 'cover-up' doesn't do a whole lot of covering up?

why I can't eat meat

It may be relatively 'trendy' to be a vegetarian in some communities today (more so in some parts of the States... not Denmark), but I had a dream two nights ago that I think really gives you a glimpse of the extreme feelings I have about meat.

Warning: upon typing this dream out, I realize how grotesque it is.

The dream was pretty brief. I'm not even sure what the exact context was since it seems kind of random and far-fetched. Basically, the dream was this:
For some reason (I still don't know how or why), someone was forcing me to eat a burger. (as in it wasn't an option to not do it.) So I was eating this burger and sobbing at the same time because it was causing me serious grief. Then, finally, there is only one bite left. I hold it in my hand, contemplating what I am doing, and it just strikes me that I am eating flesh. As I go to take the last bite, I quickly realize as I start to chew, that inside that last, menacing bite of burger is a pocket of liquid blood, and I gag on it, blood seaping out of my lips and onto my hands.

...

I do not think I need to point out the potential (obvious) religious imagery and implications at play here in detail, but I will say that I think this highlites the fact that not eating meat for me is a strong conviction. It's not just some whim that I am trying out for kicks.

I used to think I could perhaps go back to eating meat--just white meat of course--but sometime in the last year or so, I have started to seriously doubt that this is even an option for me. It has ceased being meat and is now flesh... and living flesh at that.

"A Space Boy Dream"

I dreamt I had to go to mars.

Im always kidding on about going to mars for the day
But faced with the reality of it, in a dream, I was terrified.

And it wasnt going to be like a moon trip
There was three of us going, but we couldnt all go on the same ship
We had to go one at a time with a day between us.

I had to go first, and it was the thought of passing through all that black space
All the darkness with nothing in it, and then being the first one to land there, all alone... I knew it was supposed to be all dark around, with just a red surface
But what if I got there and it was light, all civilised and populated and stuff?

So I made a plan.
The other astronauts were going to be my dad and my sister
And my dad would come first after me
So I decided when I landed I would just stay in my seat until he got there
And then we could get out together and have a look around
And see what sort of things were there.

And when I woke up and I was lying in the darkness, I thought I had landed.
And I just lay still for a while, waiting for my dad to get there too.

-Belle & Sebastian

a realization fashioned by my waking self

(this is not a dream as much as it is a realization. it was one of those thoughts that just strikes you and interupts everything you're doing, demanding to be heard... as if my dream world was thrusting itself into my waking world.)

You know how people are always asking you: If you could pick any superpower, what would you pick?
Yeah, well I've never really been quite satisfied with my response. I typically just went with the easy 'being invisible' answer. I mean it certainly has it's appeal. To be able to just eavesdrop on anyone and sneak around would be great... but I really already do those things anyway... and half of the fun is the knowing that you could potentially be caught.

Then today it hit me. I think I know what power I wish to have. I wish I could see things in the darkness. Let me clarify some things about this power though. When I see I want to "see things in the darkness" I mean the complete and utter darkness. This is not a wish for something like seeing through night vision goggles. I don't want the things I look up to light up for me. That wouldn't really be seeing in the dark, would it? I want it remain pitch black and still have the ability to see things and to just know intuitively exactly what they look at. OK, so it's not so much of a 'super' power really, and it sounds boring... at first, but I assure you, it would be great. The first thing that comes to mind is the ability to read in the dark. Really. How many times have you wanted to read (especially in bed), but you are just completely fed up with the light? It just gets so taxing after a while... but if you could read and write in the utter darkness... yeah.

Of course, then I got to thinking that this is probably also a metaphor. Everything becomes a metaphor if you're not careful... or is it if you are careful? I don't know... but yeah... my longing to see in the darkness I guess sort of relates to my longing to make sense of everything--this strange, unsettling way of thinking that I have lately found myself sinking into... or this 'nausea' if you will. Darn it. I was going to try to keep Sartre out of this, but there it is. Or you know... maybe the darkness is just the confusion that I am feeling now. My life seems so unclear now--my future, etc. and all I want to do is just see through the darkness. The interesting thing of course is that I don't want light to play into it...